I got engaged in February, and with my wedding coming up at the end of July, I’m a little past the half-way point of my engagement. Since I’ve struggled to write a real blog post this month, I thought I’d reflect on the journey so far and jot down some of the things I’ve learned.
Custom engagement rings are kind of a pain.
I fell in love with a particular ring, but my fiancé didn’t want to support big box diamond stores or the diamond industry in general, so we tried to recreate the ring with the help of a local jewelry store. They were really great to work with, and I went back to them for my wedding ring, but if I could do it over again, I wouldn’t get a custom ring. It costs more, and it’s hard to know exactly what it’s going to look like on your finger until it’s too late. They sent my fiancé renders, but I didn’t see them, and I ended up being unhappy with the ring and having changes made. The changes helped, and I do really like my ring now, and I love the moissonite we chose instead of a diamond. But when I started looking at wedding bands, it seemed that nothing was going to fit the unusual curve of my ring, and I thought I’d have to go through the process of getting another custom ring, which was the last thing we wanted to do. Fortunately, the person we’ve been working with at the jewelry store is awesome, and we eventually found a winner without having to go the custom route. Still, my overall take away is that, while a custom engagement ring seems really romantic, it’s something to think twice about—or maybe three or four times.
Sometimes trying to simplify things actually makes things more complicated.
We decided to only send RSVP cards to some of our guests, thinking that it would be a waste to send them to friends our age who would probably end up just texting or emailing us anyway. While it did save us maybe $30, it wasn’t worth the trouble of deciding which guests wouldn’t get an RSVP card, wondering if they’d RSVP on time, and realizing that we’d probably just give ourselves more work following up with them.
If you can, and if your timeline is short, take a day or two off to just deal with wedding planning.
We wanted a short engagement, and that meant that we couldn’t afford to spread out the planning. My company has a very generous time-off policy, and I found myself wishing that I’d taken a couple of half days early on to knock out some of the wedding tasks, especially during the vendor search phase.
Don’t look at too many vendors.
I think I contacted seven caterers at first. It quickly got narrowed down to two—the same two my planner recommended in the first place—and I wished I had only contacted those two to begin with. You’ll probably get lots of recommendations from different sources. I’d suggest ruling some out as quickly as possibly and just contacting 3 or so.
If you’re paying for a planner, get your money’s worth.
We opted for a wedding coordination package that wasn’t all-in wedding planning, but it did include the option of contacting the planner with questions any time throughout the process. I’ve been guilty of letting weeks slip by without contacting her, when all the while I’m letting questions and details build up in my head and getting stressed out. I’m trying to get better now about contacting her regularly and sending all my little questions her way instead of endlessly deliberating. While I very occasionally decide not to follow her advice, for the most part, she’s always able to quickly point me in the right direction and make my life a little easier.
Know your partner’s interests and limits.
My fiancé loves photography, so I asked him to pick out the photographer, and he found someone great. However, there are plenty of things he could care less about, and I’ve found that we’re both happier if I just ask him if he’s ok with me taking free reign in those areas. If I do need something from him, I’ve also found that I need to give him plenty of time and not ask him to do too many different things at once.
Plan the honeymoon as early as possible.
We’re under 9 weeks away from our wedding and still haven’t booked the honeymoon yet (though we’re getting close!). As a result, it’s felt like our options are really limited.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
There’s so much pressure to have everything perfect for “your big day,” but something won’t be perfect, and that’s ok. The thank you notes don’t have to match the invitations. If no one can hear your ceremony, they’ll get over it. Know what’s important to you and prioritize where you want to spend your time and money. Also, I’ve found that whenever I’m getting too attached to something and it isn’t working out, whenever I let go, it seems to all magically turn out just right.
Make sure to set aside time to have fun with your partner and not talk about the wedding at all.
Wedding planning isn’t really that fun. I mean, parts of it are fun, and imagining what the day will be like and dreaming about starting a life together are definitely exciting, but the logistics of organizing a big event… meh. Not really my thing, and definitely not my fiancé’s. We just went to an art festival this weekend, picked out some art together, and pretty much didn’t talk about the wedding at all. It was so much fun and really re-energized us.
If you’ve ever planned a wedding, or helped someone else plan one, what lessons stood out to you?
Caity Thinks 